Have you ever wondered if you just plain suck? I wonder this about… ummmm… I don’t know… five times a day. Six, maybe. The first time usually happens around five in the morning when I get up to go to the bathroom and can’t get back to sleep. In the dark, I lie in bed counting my flaws and saying… today is the day. Today is the first day of my new life NOT sucking. Today will be different. Somehow, magically, all the sucky cooties that surround me with miraculously lift off, and I’ll be infinitely less sucky. Then, I usually fall asleep for three minutes before the alarm goes off at six. Then I’ll wake up and start moving and feeling better, convincing myself that I don’t suck. That, in fact, I’m pretty awesome. That I can do anything.

I won’t have my second downer moment until about 9 or 10. It will last until around 11, at which point I’ll get a second wind and feel awesome, again. This will last until around 1 when I start to suck, again. Then I’ll feel good until I pick my son up from school, and then after we’ve been home for an hour or so, I’ll start feeling sucky.

You see where I’m going with this.

My question. How can you get rid of sucking for good? Is it a self esteem problem, or do I, in fact, truly suck. Does someone make a suck-o-meter that can measure true suck against perceived suck?

It would be nice, wouldn’t it?

I wonder if I can get a patent on that.